Monday, September 26, 2005

How we can save America a few bucks

Okay, I got a great suggestion from an anonymous poster (thanks buddy) on how America can tighten her belt. However, I say the Capital Hill Boy's Club and their constituents can lead by example. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Sell off the Presidential Motorcade (those big stretch jobs eat gas and attract too much attention anyway), and purchase a fleet of 1976 AMC Gremlins, each one flat brown in color, with bald tires, a broken headlight, glass tinted so dark you can't see in the car and a cracked windshield to transport our President and his entourage to and from work.

2. Fire the Secret Service, and replace them with rent-a-cops from Macon County Georgia. The rent-a-cops would probably do a better job at protecting our elected officials without the need to wear cheesy D&G sunglasses.

3. Take away the tax-payer-supported perks from our elected officials and make them pay their own way. Pretty good incentive to not take so many vacations, don't you think?

4. Close down the Pentagon and relocate the staff to Area 51, after all, it is safer than the Pentagon. Install two Olympic sized swimming pools and a dozen Jacuzzi tubs in the now-vacated Pentagon, rent out the entire complex for weddings and parties at $500,000.00 a day.

5. Relocate the President and his family to a nice, quiet, well-patrolled suburb in upstate New York and turn the Whitehouse into a homeless shelter for displaced victims of the next apocolyptic natural disaster.

6. Insist every State Governer have a monthly fundraiser (carwash, flea market, or bake sale)and send the proceeds to a designated disaster-relief organization. Yes, the Governor and their entourage have to participate in these fundraisers!

7. Rescind tax-break incentives for big businesses (you know which ones I'm referring to) and give them only to businesses that make less than a 15% profit for the first 5 years(Mom and Pop stores really could use this).

8. Suspend the civilian military contracts, send the civilians to go work elsewhere, and let the active-duty military engineers design, build and maintain their own structures and facilities until the U.S. budget is balanced properly (that will take a few years).

This is just the tip of the iceberg, readers. Use your imagination, no idea is too big or too small to be implemented to save America's budget.


Anonymous said...

The first part is older than the hills, in 1977 we were going to give Carter a 76 Feared Pinto with Firestone 500 radials for his limmo.
Under Bush 1 we were going to replace AF1 with Valuejet.
#2 ??? The Marines are supposed to protect the president, send the secret disservice back to the treasury so they can screw a few more tax payers.
I whole heartedly support your #3. I also think the elected officials should be voted their compensation based on an approval vote of their constituents, 30% approval means 30% of their salary. All future pay raises should be approved by the voting public. I would also consider allowing the military to vote on all Congress crappers since they seem to always take it in the shorts when Congress regresses.
#4 Make the pentagon high dollar housing, Who would shell out half a million for that place for a day? Paris will only have six or seven weddings, who else would use it?
Forget #5 entirely, None of the presidents were homeless when we elected them, they can telecommute. Heck, They do that most of the time anyway.
Modify #6, Make it every weekend until their state budget is balanced.
#7 I'd put a cap on taxes for anyone making less than a million a year. set the cap at 25% accross the board, state, federal, local, sales tax, fuel tax, property tax, all totaled will not exceed 1/4 of income for middle class people.
#8 I favor bringing back the draft. use inductees to fill combat support rolls. the only way to get past PFC is either reup, or volunteer for combat arms. Oh! BTW I am not opposed to females in combat arms, as long as they meet a minimum physical fitness standard, one that should be applied to males as well.

Jenifer D. said...

Nice! I couldn't have said it better. :D

Anonymous said...

On some things we think alike. BTW, The link you posted at GOC, is that your S.O.? I sincerely hope not, but if he is, fat balding old guys like me have a chance.
Good night from Fucked Royally Kansas.

Jenifer D. said...

No it is not. That's Fat Bastard from 'Austin Powers II; The Spy Who Shagged Me'.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, not into the Austin Powers series. I'd rather watch reruns of the political debates then his stuff.