Monday, September 26, 2005
How we can save America a few bucks
Okay, I got a great suggestion from an anonymous poster (thanks buddy) on how America can tighten her belt. However, I say the Capital Hill Boy's Club and their constituents can lead by example. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Sell off the Presidential Motorcade (those big stretch jobs eat gas and attract too much attention anyway), and purchase a fleet of 1976 AMC Gremlins, each one flat brown in color, with bald tires, a broken headlight, glass tinted so dark you can't see in the car and a cracked windshield to transport our President and his entourage to and from work.
2. Fire the Secret Service, and replace them with rent-a-cops from Macon County Georgia. The rent-a-cops would probably do a better job at protecting our elected officials without the need to wear cheesy D&G sunglasses.
3. Take away the tax-payer-supported perks from our elected officials and make them pay their own way. Pretty good incentive to not take so many vacations, don't you think?
4. Close down the Pentagon and relocate the staff to Area 51, after all, it is safer than the Pentagon. Install two Olympic sized swimming pools and a dozen Jacuzzi tubs in the now-vacated Pentagon, rent out the entire complex for weddings and parties at $500,000.00 a day.
5. Relocate the President and his family to a nice, quiet, well-patrolled suburb in upstate New York and turn the Whitehouse into a homeless shelter for displaced victims of the next apocolyptic natural disaster.
6. Insist every State Governer have a monthly fundraiser (carwash, flea market, or bake sale)and send the proceeds to a designated disaster-relief organization. Yes, the Governor and their entourage have to participate in these fundraisers!
7. Rescind tax-break incentives for big businesses (you know which ones I'm referring to) and give them only to businesses that make less than a 15% profit for the first 5 years(Mom and Pop stores really could use this).
8. Suspend the civilian military contracts, send the civilians to go work elsewhere, and let the active-duty military engineers design, build and maintain their own structures and facilities until the U.S. budget is balanced properly (that will take a few years).
This is just the tip of the iceberg, readers. Use your imagination, no idea is too big or too small to be implemented to save America's budget.